Dignity, Frustration, and a Caregiver's Dilemma

The balance is slowly beginning to shift in a couple, with the husband at the very early stages of cognitive impairment and the wife taking on increasing responsibility for many aspects of their lives, including monitoring his health and triggering his memory during medical appointments. Women typically serve as the “Health CEO” of their family, but these days, the wife finds it especially important to attend doctor visits with her husband. He doesn’t always remember to tell her what the doctor said, and doesn’t usually ask all the questions the couple listed ahead of each appointment. So the wife has become the chief list-keeper, memory-sparker, question-asker, and record-keeper.
 
One major item on the list ahead of tomorrow’s doctor’s appointment is sleep quality, which the couple agreed has been problematic. Ever since hip replacement surgery a month prior, the husband can’t sleep. He’s up pacing at night, and dozing more frequently during the day. It’s disruptive for both of them. He’s been up every night for four weeks. Then, as luck would have it, the night before the doctor’s appointment, he sleeps all night.
 
The next day, the wife brings up the issue of sleep quality to the doctor, and the husband chimes in, “I sleep fine.” She’s shocked. He’s had restless sleep for 30 of the past 31 nights. She’s thinking fast. Does she push the issue? Would that embarrass him? Would he dispute her version of reality?

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